洪金花 Such an orbiang and orbit name. But, one that fills me with love and emotions.
It is the name of my recently deceased Grandmother.
She suffered from stroke and was paralysed halfway down her body on her right. She also had half of brain extracted to keep her alive and am unable to speak since her stroke sixteen years ago. Truthfully, most of our memories are blurry to me, but I can still remember her looks and the way she talks and I remembered that she's a nice person. That's all that matters, isn't it? Even though she's very preferential towards my sister and dotes on her like crazy, I still cried a lot during her funeral, all of us did.
I didn't know that a funeral could be so busy, or tiring, or noisy, or exhaustive, or scary, or so so so devastating. This is the first entire funeral I have ever attended of my close relatives. When I first heard of the news, I couldn't believe it. She had been bed-ridden for 16 years now and was recently admitted and released from TTSH several times now. Her condition was very unstable, sometimes drastic, at times mellow but her illness took a huge toll on the family, who had to cough up loads of $$$ for the hospitalization bills and machines and medications to sustain her. Also, all of us regularly went to visit her at the hospital and Mummy and aunts and uncle went almost daily to the TTSH.
When I finally reached her Ang Mo Kio's shophouse, I was filled with emotions. She had just came back on Sunday and we even rented the oxygen machine for her. On monday afternoon at 1.30pm, she passed away in the midst of feeding. I guess she still wishes to go at her own place instead of the hospital. All my aunts and uncle and Mummy were very saddened by the fact that she's really gone now. We had to quickly settle everything and even though there had been loads of preparations for this day and planning, there were still some blotches and messes.
The wake was a huge affair as Ah Ma knew a lot of people, had a huge number of friends and our extended family had many many relatives who came to pay their last respects to her. On the last night, we had more than 55 tables... I was stunned by how much I cried as I didn't think I would feel so much for Ah Ma as her focus was mainly on my sister during her healthy years. I teared up when I heard songs distinctly related to Ah Ma, and I cried when I saw her lying so still in the coffin and I cried when other people cried. The rites and rituals were very tiring and even though it rained most of the days of the funeral, the air was hot and we were all very hot under the block.
The wake was always filled with activity, whether it is praying or folding of incense papers or meals or tending to guests... I still recalled the days when we used to be little and would always fool around in the shophouses' backyard and how we would gather all the cousins and just sit around and talk at the wake, peeling sunflower seeds and peanuts and rushing to fold the papers for Ah Ma... Now, it seems as though these will never happen again and it will be so sad that the shophouse should most probably be sold and our memories will never be relived in the familiar place I've grown to call my other home.
The late nights and sobbing and praying for Ah Ma have finally ended and may she rest in peace from now. I hope that we cousins will be able to still stay close together and maintain that level of closeness even though the link connecting us all, AH MA, has passed away. Here's to my grandmother and her life... Ah Ma, I love you so much.
Your eldest grand-daughter,
Ling Ling (阿玲玲)
Anyway, been feeling rather fat lately cos during the week of my Grandmother's funeral, all we did the whole day when we're free was to eat meals and suppers and drink packet drinks and crack 瓜子!
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